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March 1st 2nd, 2021

Today I realized that I often masturbated unwillingly due to a symptom of compensation or emotional hunger. Life was so empty that I did it just out of boredom. It seems to me that my puberty has come to the next stage, when I want to progress and fuck everything. I should start waking up again at 6 in the morning. should start reading books. When I read something with enthusiasm, it seems to me that I become another person. I thought that it was enough to be yourself to create a serious relationship, but when I returned to the harsh reality where not everyone is ready to accept such shit as me and I am ready to accept not every "girl", I realized that I'm looking for relationships for the sake of relationships. Bitch, these spontaneous thoughts definitely require editing and grammar checking...

March 3th, 4th 2021

On the second day of journaling, I often reminded myself of the desire to write a note, but somehow I forgot. In it, I wanted to mention that I went out with a non-single girl I met at the board games club. I don’t remember any other particularly remarkable events that day. Unless I made an appointment with a therapist, who the next day gave me a direction for an X-ray (which I will probably wait about a month) and a med cert with which I could not go to college today. I was alone at home after my sister left for school. I was going crazy. Spontaneous emotions spilled over into insane grimaces and unintelligible sounds. I was wildly bored and lonely. But in the evening I was productive. After picking up my sister from school, I washed the dishes, helped my father with the cooking, and hung up the laundry. And now I have added to this site pages about my plans and ideas.

November 7th, 2021

Daddy's back, bitches. K, maybe i can to keep a diary. This, in theory, will stimulate me to be more mindful and less moping. So what happened while I was gone? I don't know...

June 17th, 2022

My ex(Kate) dreamed me last night. I can't write this to somebody in VK cause my last ex can check my account. Also cause i don't think what other will tell me what i want. I don't know what i wanna hear... I miss u, happy Alex. even though u was sad too...