Today I realized that I often masturbated unwillingly due to a symptom of compensation or emotional hunger. Life was so empty that I did it just out of boredom. It seems to me that my puberty has come to the next stage, when I want to progress and fuck everything. I should start waking up again at 6 in the morning. should start reading books. When I read something with enthusiasm, it seems to me that I become another person. I thought that it was enough to be yourself to create a serious relationship, but when I returned to the harsh reality where not everyone is ready to accept such shit as me and I am ready to accept not every "girl", I realized that I'm looking for relationships for the sake of relationships. Bitch, these spontaneous thoughts definitely require editing and grammar checking...
On the second day of journaling, I often reminded myself of the desire to write a note, but somehow I forgot. In it, I wanted to mention that I went out with a non-single girl I met at the board games club. I don’t remember any other particularly remarkable events that day. Unless I made an appointment with a therapist, who the next day gave me a direction for an X-ray (which I will probably wait about a month) and a med cert with which I could not go to college today. I was alone at home after my sister left for school. I was going crazy. Spontaneous emotions spilled over into insane grimaces and unintelligible sounds. I was wildly bored and lonely. But in the evening I was productive. After picking up my sister from school, I washed the dishes, helped my father with the cooking, and hung up the laundry. And now I have added to this site pages about my plans and ideas.
Daddy's back, bitches. K, maybe i can to keep a diary. This, in theory, will stimulate me to be more mindful and less moping. So what happened while I was gone? I don't know...
My ex(Kate) dreamed me last night. I can't write this to somebody in VK cause my last ex can check my account. Also cause i don't think what other will tell me what i want. I don't know what i wanna hear... I miss u, happy Alex. even though u was sad too...